Where are you?

Where are you?

I’m kinda sad

Or should I say that I’m mad?

I shouldn’t be angry,

But the fact that you won’t answer hurts me.

I still love you,

But realize that you don’t have a clue

About what’s going on in my head.

Since you don’t even know what I said.

Like the fact that I need you,

Because I don’t know what to do.

When you won’t pick up the phone

And you leave me alone,

With this sadness and madness.

 
Yesterday I cried all of my tears out.

I was in pain and screamed out loud.

But you won’t hear my sorrow

Until you’ll look on your phone tomorrow.

And look at all those messages from yesterday

When my world seemed so gray,

When I felt so lonely

And my mind killed me slowly.

When my heart felt all numb and I felt so dumb,

Because I was so weak and I wanted to speak.

But since you left me lonely without listening

I felt like the things I wanted to say were uninteresting.

So I asked myself if … maybe I was just annoying?

I swear those thoughts were really disappointing.

 

Than again I asked myself, if should go back to my old self

That I should trust no one, but myself.

Yet I remembered the things you said

And that you’d surely miss me if I was dead …

Just because I couldn’t handle this chaos inside my head.

I swear I put all my heart in you

And I believed every word you said was true.

So let’s keep it this way

Because I’m sure you will stay.

You know? It’s the things I pray about every night.

That your presence makes the way so bright,

Because you’re aura is my light.

 

Please forgive me for the thoughts I had.

I wasn’t really mad, just a little upset.

Yet don’t worry, I’m still so glad that we met

And that you came in my life.

I’m grateful, because I’m happy but not always alright.

I won’t keep this poem going on to long.

I’m not here to blame you, too.

It’s just not what I’m used to do.

After all I know that I’m the one who was wrong,

Because I still have to learn how to stay strong.

I shouldn’t be upset about something like that

And be reassured I’ll finally stop it with the chitchat.

I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry.

I guess I’ll keep most of it on my own with me.

Just one last time, let me say ‘Thank you and I love you.’

But please … next time can you be there when I really need you?

 

~ made by ‘Yuki’


DON’T COPY OR USE WITHOUT PERMISSION 

Sometimes.

In fact I hate this.

Because sometimes I’m fine and than sometimes I’m not.

I hate this because sometimes, I can’t shut down my thoughts.

Sometimes everything is fine and I’m all good.

And in the next seconds my thoughts starts killing me and I’m not fine anymore.

Sometimes my thoughts are all positive and life is great and than …

In the next seconds all of this is gone.

 

Negativity starts dripping through my head and I’m thinking about dying.

Me? I am thinking about dying?

Me who loves living so much?

Because life is great and we should enjoy it to the fullest, right?

Life is a gift.

We’re given with something so beautiful and that’s all that matters.

But yet sometimes all of this beauty drips away and I …

I want to die and …

I don’t even know what I’m feeling, because sometimes I’m feeling everything at the same time

And sometimes I’m feeling nothing at all. Like, I’m numb.

And than the next day I’ll throw a party with my demons and I’ll do weird things.

 

Sometimes people think I’m crazy, because I’m having fun and I’m doing shit that doesn’t make sense.

Sometimes people think I’m crazy, because I’m talking senseless promiscuous things.

Sometimes I’m scared of annoying people with my nonsense.

But you know what? They laugh.

And that is beautiful.

Sometimes I do all of this, because I want everyone to be happy.

Sometimes I do all of this, because I want everyone to have fun.

Sometimes I do all of this, because I find it pointless to take life to serious.

Because life isn’t made to take it serious, right?

 

The truth is that we’re all scared of ‘What if?’ situations.

And instead of just doing what we want to do, we spend our time with this thing called fear.

If I can waste time in fear, than where’s the point in being here?

Fear is a really unkind person don’t you think so, too?

I hate fear.

Sometimes even though I know how bad fear is, I’m still trying to spent my time with it.

Because I want to see the good in everyone.

Because that’s what people do right?

See … Even the Light and the Darkness, likes each other.

They’re always together, aren’t they?

 

Sometimes I want to die.

Sometimes I want to live.

And yet, even though sometimes we’re struggling, we love it don’t we?

Because sometimes deep in our heart we still love living.

Because in fact life is beautiful.

That’s why sometimes I wish I could tell the whole world how beautiful they are.

 

~ made by ‘Yuki’

DO NOT COPY OR USE WITHOUT PERMISSION.

Art.

Have you ever thought about the meaning of the word ‘art’ ?
I mean ‘art’ is such a big word, like it could be literally anything.
Mostly art is used as a term for drawing and painting.
In small conditions it is also used for music or poetry, because afterwards people realize that they also created something when they wrote a spoken word poem or a song.
And that’s the point. ‘Art’ is considered as ‘art’, because we create something.
So cooking must be art as well, right ?
The tree that you planted in the garden one year ago is art as well, right ?
The tree. Tree of life.
Living is art.
You create your own story.
You make choices. You philosophize about life.
Creating questions after questions.
Without finding an answer.
Because that’s how life is.
I mean in the end everyone is an artist.
And if you love creating, than love your life.

It’s your life not anyone elses one.
So create your own life. Be the artist of your life.
Be who you want to be. Be true to yourself, because you’re the only one who really knows who you are and what makes you feel complete.
Don’t give up. It’s to easy.
You’re awesome.

~ made by ‘Yuki’

DO NOT COPY OR USE WITHOUT PERMISSION.

Mother Earth

 

So on sunday I went out for a walk. I spend the whole afternoon outside and than I got inspired for this painting, that I simply called ‘Mother Earth’

I’m living in the countryside so you can guess … there’s a lot of nature, with a forest and planes. I love this.

You know ? I love this moment when your alone in the nature. Just by yourself. No ones talking. You’re thoughts are gone taken away by mother earth. Silence. Just here and now is what’s important.

Loved by Mother Earth. She cares so much about us and we tend to forget that so often.
So beautiful and lovely. I love nature.

Take a deep breath and inhale the air. Feel the cold or warm wind whatever the season may be. Listen to the trees. Listen to the birds.

We are gifted. We should be grateful to Mother Earth for giving us a home.

Thank you ♥

I sketched the whole idea with a charcoal pencil and then colored the whole painting with watercolors.

I hope you enjoy a somewhat different post from what I usually do. 🙂

 

Let’s have fun.

Life goes up and down.

Life goes up and down.

And don’t expect it to be perfect everyday.

‘Nobody’s perfect.’

Well, nothing’s perfect too.

What would you do if life was so easy ?

No obstacles.

No falling down.

No slipping away.

Well, in a game you wouldn’t complain about obstacles.

No one would.

I mean a game without obstacles is boring, right ?

Quests. Quests contain obstacles.

Tests. Missions to complete.

And yeah, most of them are full of obstacles.

Because that’s more entertaining.

Right! Life’s a game.

Taking life to serious is boring.

Have fun.

Why bothering with asking ‘What if ?’

If you think this way every second you’ll never move.

‘What if …? – How annoying.

How about taking risks ?

I mean taking risks isn’t the same as being reckless.

So, what about living your life to the fullest ?

Embracing the bad days as much as the good days.

Loving life.

Having fun.

Right, let’s have fun.

After all, no one said that life was going to be easy.

~ made by ‘Yuki’

DO NOT COPY OR USE WITHOUT PERMISSION.

I’m waiting.

Do you know what hurts ?

As I hear your voice I can see you drowning.

Falling deeper and deeper.

Your words, your thoughts are filled with suffering.

Everything is numb.

Your eyes piercing through the future without knowing where to go.

And you drown and you drown.

Running away from your shadows.

Screaming.

I can hear you screaming through the whole universe.

And it’s getting louder and louder.

And I can do nothing.

I can do nothing.

As much as I try to pull you out of this dark room.

You’re always pulled back by your shadows.

What can do ? …

I can stay. I can stay.

I’ll lighten your way as much as I can and I hope …

I hope that it’s helpful.

At least a bit.

I wish that one day you’ll stop putting on this mask.

Smiling. Lying.

I can feel it. I can feel your pain.

Do you get this ? Do you believe me ?

Every word. Every silence. Every everything.

I WON’T LEAVE YOU.

You’re not alone.

Do you believe that or is it all gone ? Hope ?

Right now it feels like there’s a big wall without issues around you, I know.

But, please ! Don’t give up.

Can you hear me ?

I’m staying behind the wall and I’ll stay there until I die and longer.

Believe me or not, I’ll break the walls.

So please help breaking them. FOR YOU.

I’m waiting.

So when you’re ready than you can tell me.

If you need help: Tell me.

I’m waiting.

I’m going to sit down and try to think about how we can break this wall down, okay ?

So if you need anything, just tell me I’m right here and …

I can hear you.
~ made by ‘Yuki’

DO NOT COPY OR USE WITHOUT PERMISSION.

A girl is smiling.

And so she smiles.

I can see her smile growing bigger and bigger.

But you know what ?

Sometimes life really is hard and …

I can see how her smile isn’t the only thing that’s growing.

Her pain is growing deeper and deeper,

And she’s climbing and climbing.

She’s hurting.

Her smile isn’t a happy smile it’s …

a forced one.

She’s hurting.

I can see her pain growing bigger and bigger.

And she’s hurting.

She’s smiling like nothing.

She’s laughing while crying.

I can hear her screaming from over the hills.

From over the mountains.

The scream is so loud.

It hurts seeing her like this.

She’s bleeding from the inside and …

what can I do ?

Nothing.

Literally nothing.

It’s this way since the beginning but …

Oh well, I can still be by her side,

and give my best to show her that she’s not alone.

That she won’t.

NEVER.

I love her.

The girl that changed everything in my life.

The girl that took all the place in my heart I had left.

I love her.

I don’t mean the love, you call love,

because you want to be in a relationship.

Hell no, I mean the love, where you love,

because you love people for who they are.

I love her.

I love her as a person.

You can feel it too, right ?

You can feel it deep in your soul.

You can feel your loved ones feelings, right ?

Sure. Everyone can.

Somehow we’re all connected to our loved ones.

So next time …

When you see a loved one smiling, but hurting at the same time, than …

Please don’t walk away thinking you can’t help.

Because YOU CAN.

You can help by staying.

I want to help her too, by staying.

I love her.

She’s my family and

I’ll love her my whole life and beyond.

Never forget that anyone is loved by someone.

And I mean you who’s reading this as well.

~ made by ‘Yuki’

DO NOT COPY OR USE WITHOUT PERMISSION.

Ein Mädchen.

Ich habe mich schon immer gefragt, warum wir Menschen so sehr auf Aussehen achten.

Da bin ich fünf Jahre alt und werde damit konfrontiert, dass es wichtig ist als Mädchen ‘mädchenhaft’ auszusehen.

Damit sind Blümchen Kleider und langes Haar gemeint.

Ich soll mich wie ein Mädchen verhalten. Mit Puppen spielen und den Jungs hinterher rennen.

Ich soll anständig essen und gehoben reden, Klavier spielen und Ballett tanzen.

Ich bin ein Mädchen.

Ich bin ein Mädchen und ich habe als ich fünf war mit Autos gespielt.

Ich habe Judo gemacht, dann Leichtathletik, Fußball gespielt, gefochten und jetzt mach ich Karate.

Ich spiele Schlagzeug.

Ein zehnjähriges Mädchen, stand im Kleidergeschäft in der Jungenabteilung, weil sie nicht schlank genug war für die Mädchenoberteile.

Ein elfjähriges Mädchen hing mit den Jungs auf dem Pausenhof, weil sie nicht mädchenhaft genug war um mit den Mädchen zu spielen.

Ein zwölfjähriges Mädchen saß beim Kindergeburtstag alleine in einer Ecke und beobachtete wie die Mädels mit Barbie Puppen spielte.

Die Ken und Barbie Geschichte. Barbie war immer unfassbar dünn und trug Röcke.

Okay, okay, wenn es keine Rocke waren, dann waren es halt hautenge Oberteile.

Meistens bauchfrei.

13 Jahre alt war sie, als sich die Mädchen in ihrer Klasse anfingen zu schminken.

Mit 13 stieg sie in den Bus, als sie die Busfahrerin fragte ob sie ein Mädchen oder ein Junge sei.

14 Jahre alt, als man ihr sagte sie sei ja fast wie ein Junge.

Ein 14 jähriges Mädchen wechselte die Schule. Man beschimpfte sie als Mannweib.

Ein 14 jähriges Mädchen steckte sich in Mädchenklamotten in denen sie sich nicht wohl fühlte.

15. Es dauerte ein Jahr bis sie wieder nach den Jungen Pullis griff.

Sie waren so groß, weit und gemütlich.

Sie war 15 als sie sich von der Menschenmasse wandte.

Egal ob Mädchen oder Junge sie wollte sie selbst sein.

Mit 16 war sie so weit, als ein Junge sie fragte warum sie sich nicht schminken würde, jedes Mädchen würde es tun.

Das 16 jährige Mädchen schaute den Jungen an und sagte, „Weil ich nicht alle bin.“

Sie fing an zu verstehen, dass egal was man machte, war man einmal von der Gesellschaft in eine Schublade gesteckt worden so würde das für immer so bleiben.

Also fing sie an zu tun und lassen was sie wollte.

16 Jahre. Sie probierte sich aus. Was ihr gerade so passte. Was ihr gerade so gefiel.

17. Sie zog an was sie wollte. Schwarze Jungen Pullis. Schwarze Röhren-Jeans. Bald war sie ein „Emo“, wie man sie nannte.

Ein Emo mit kurzen Haaren.

Kurze Haare, Jungen Oberteile. Natürlich war es für die Gesellschaft selbstverständlich, dass sie dann auf Frauen stehen muss. Ein Mädchen und kurze Haare sind schließlich ein Grund dafür.

18 Jahre. Ein tief. Sie rutschte aus. Alles war zu anstrengend. Sie schlüpfte wieder in Jungenhosen, Jungen T-shirts und Jungen Pullis.

19. Langsam ging es Berg auf. Sie liebte es auf tumblr zu scrollen und sich Kleidungsstile anzuschauen. Sie probierte sich durch verschiedene Stile aus. Schaute was ihr gefiel, was nicht.

Hoch, runter, hoch, runter.

Jetzt ist sie 20, bald 21 und was aus ihr geworden ist:

Ein Mädchen was immer noch viel zu lernen hat, was aber versucht ihren Weg zu gehen.

 

~ made by ‘Yuki’

DO NOT COPY OR USE WITHOUT PERMISSION.